The Critical Days

I don't think I will ever forget the helplessness I felt those first few days, knowing that if our babies were to come, there would be nothing we could do for them. It was a horrible and frightening thought. I saw the grim looks and fear written on the faces of those who know too much; the nurses, the physicians, my NICU friends and coworkers. I had someone hang a sign on my door that said "Smiles only, please." I wanted everyone to be optimistic that we could make it to a safer place. I spent the first 4 days in bed with a catheter and no shower. Everyone was afraid for me to even get out of bed at all. On Monday the 15th, I was allowed to start getting up to sit to eat meals, take a shower, and use the restroom. The sutures were holding. My IV was taken out, and I didn't feel like a patient. My mom had come a few days before that to help with Jace, and we were having a great time visiting. I got many little projects done on my computer and with phone calls. I felt bad taking up a bed here, when the floor was quickly filling up.
And then we were hit with another very frightening day. On Friday the 19th of November, it was discovered that I was leaking amniotic fluid. I began having moderate contractions that day also. Our physician looked so sad when I asked realistically when we could expect to deliver. We were told the babies could very likely come in the next 3-7 days. That Friday marked week 23 for us. We had made it to our first goal, however, Stuart and I were both fully aware of the struggles these babies would face and the risk of lifetime complications they could have by being born so very early. Stuart was my rock. I could see the concern in his eyes, but he stayed right beside me, assuring me that everything would be ok. That day was such a blur; a blur of tears, visits from concerned family and friends, a consultation with the neonatologist, and the commonly dreaded Magnesium Sulfate. I was started on an IV of this medication used to stop pre-term labor and felt the side effects of headaches, blurred vision, racing heart and hot flashes. A nice dose of staydol and phenegran allowed me to sleep most of that day.
Over the next week they were able to gradually wean the levels of this medication. But that was the exciting thing....... We had made it another week!!!! I had a catheter again and was only allowed to shower every 3 days- otherwise no getting out of bed. Sure there were a few rocky times when I needed extra doses of medication to stop contractions, and I eventually ended up with a pump inserted into my thigh to deliver this medication, but we had another week down. The Thursday before we hit 24 weeks was Thanksgiving. What a wonderful gift to be thankful for, we were still here and the boys were doing great. Our wonderful friends, the Dunns, brought us Thanksgiving dinner and mom, Jace and I had a very relaxing Thanksgiving. By this time Stuart had gone back to work, but he was just a few floors down. He would come tell me goodnight and bring me goodies his friends had brought for us. My mom and sister had taken over care of Jace, and I looked forward to each afternoon when they would come visit. Stuart hated to leave my side, sleeping nights on an awful cot or couch thingy on the nights he wasn't working.
December 1st marked 3 weeks in the hospital. Although I was still not allowed out of bed except to use my wonderful bedside commode and the every few days shower, things had gradually settled back down. They ran another test that showed I was still leaking amniotic fluid but ultrasounds continued to show that both babies had good fluid. The babies were growing well. Contractions were relatively under control. And no one wanted to see what my cervix was doing, no news was good news in that matter. While it was a hard thing to do, Stuart and I decided it was best for Jace to go back to Arizona with my mom. Knowing he was in good hands, let Stuart focus on helping me and let me focus on keeping this babies where they needed to be.