Gin on the rocks, margarita on the rocks.......

Sure we have all heard of these liquids being kept "on the rocks", but urine on the rocks!!!! After working in the hospital for 8 years, I had no idea that collecting a 24 hour urine specimen meant saving up all your pee for 24 hours and keeping it in a jug in a tub of ice. Jace was as fascinated by this as I was. After another blah day today with high-ish blood pressures and more swelling the doctors are just checking again for signs of pre-eclampsia. My labs came back good though and so I suspect the urine sample will also.

The good news is that we have an actual delivery date scheduled. It will be for a c-section on February 16th if these boys don't decide to come earlier. I will admit, it took me a day or two to get excited about this news because it seems a little far off still. But.... we have already put so many weeks behind us, and ultimately this is what we have been praying for for so long. I just need to continue to take it week by week like I have been and it will be here before I know it. That date will put us at 35 and 5/7 days. Originally, Dr. Owen had said she would probably deliver at 36 weeks. So after all we have been through, there is a chance that we actually may make it to the end!!! It is a complete shift in thinking after so many weeks thinking we would have itty bitty premies, to now think we may have almost term babies! I think this is just God's way of reminding me again to stop trying to make plans. Even after I was admitted here and was forced to let go of control and give it all to God, trusting in His plan, I still was making plans for babies in nicu. So now, I am again reminded that I am not in control and it is truly up to God on when these babies will come and if they will go to nicu or not. Only He knows, all I can do is wait and see.

Holy Moly!!!

Because the news was so exciting today, I am willing to show a most horrendous picture of my gigantic belly. Drum roll please.......................measurements on the babies are a humongous 6#7oz and 6#2oz!!! I am fully aware that these estimates may be higher than the reality, but even subtracting a pound each still puts them at good weights, so we will take it! Tomorrow marks 33 weeks and we are still trucking along. My blood pressure has been better over the past two days, as have the contractions. I guess these boys just like to keep us on our toes already!
I think Jace is beginning to grasp that there really are babies in momma's tummy. He has been so sweet to kiss and pat them, and will say "bye babies" when he leaves. Now my sister's little guy, who is just a month older than Jace, totally gets that there are babies in my tummy. He has asked before "when do we get to go see that big belly again" and "are those babies still in aunt Annalisa's belly?". Apparently he has now moved on to trying to figure out how the babies will get out, and recently asked Missy "are those babies going to come out her butt?". I think that it is hilarious that a two year old's mind can even begin to question such a complex idea!!! So funny!!

Lane and Cole versus Cole and Lane

The correct order to say these babies' names has become quite a debate in the Riggins' household!! Stuart prefers to say Lane and Cole, whereas I tend to say Cole and Lane. In his opinion, Cole and Lane sounds like we are naming a single child Colon Lane (after Colon Powell or the not so appealing body organ). Honestly, I think the best order is whichever one allows me to most quickly say all three boys' names in rapid succession when getting onto them for misbehaving, as I imagine this will happen numerous times throughout the next 18 years!!! Ah, my future raising boys! A friend of mine who was an avid softball player throughout high school and college commented on facebook how God was amused by giving her 3 girly girls. Not that I am a girly girl, but I definitely feel the situation in reverse with God giving the least avid sports fan 3 boys. I need to add "learn to like sports" to my to do list!!!

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home.......

Well, all my piggies must have gone to market and have come back looking like fat little sausages. Oh, and they took my fingers with them! Yes, it seems I am on the track to developing PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension). This explains my progressively fattening face and the gradual rise in my blood pressure. Yesterday, I felt pretty blah and it has carried over into today. I really can't complain as I suspect this is how most women feel when they are carrying around almost 10 pounds of baby. I am just grateful to have felt so great up until now. We are 32 and 4/7 weeks today and I really feel these babies will make an appearance within the next week. I must admit, I know the best place for them is to stay put as long as possible, but I am getting excited to meet them! I got to go home a bit on Sunday and thanks to my Grams, sister, and hubby, I feel like things are in good shape at home. Next growth scan ultrasound will be on Thursday or Friday, and I can't wait to see how big these boys are!!!

Perspective

As I am steadily approaching 33 weeks, 10 weeks after we were told to expect to deliver within a week, I have been increasingly grateful for the blessings that have been bestowed upon us. Now don't get me wrong, I have been grateful and thankful to God all along this journey, but lately things have really been put into perspective for me. Chaplain June was here visiting yesterday, and she asked me what thoughts have been consuming my time here. Honestly, I have tried to stay busy with projects and tasks so that I don't dwell on any one topic too long. Though lately, I have been thinking an awful lot on how blessed we are to be here and wondering why we have been so blessed when others have had such different outcomes. In the time I have been here I know of 4 little ones born at 23 weeks, and have all since gone home to Jesus. I don't know details, except on one whose carepage I followed. All I know is they were born and then they passed on. I am sure they fought hard, all of our little bitties do. I am sure their parents wanted them as badly as we want these boys, I am sure their mommas did everthing they could to keep their babies from coming so early just as I did, and I am sure that they prayed just as hard for their little ones to be ok just as we had and continue to do. It leaves me wondering why are we here, why are we doing so good when these little ones had to be born so early and have left their parents grieving. Chaplain June said what I already know to be true, that we cannot question God's plan but only trust that it is a perfect plan. I myself have told numerous families and patients that some good will come out of the tragedy they are currently facing. I have witnessed that in my own life through the struggles we faced with infertility and loss, and the good that has evolved afterwards. But I know for those families who have recently lost their babies, their world is now surrounded by a raw grief that I can't even imagine, one that no one should have to face. As I learned of each of these tiny angels being called home I have had the same thought progression. I first think of how devastated these families must be. Then I realize that this could have been our story, just as easily as it is now someone else's. I feel blessed and so grateful that we didn't deliver 22 week babies that we had to hold in our hands as they drifted on to Heaven, because there was nothing medical technology could have done for them. I feel fortunate and thankful that we didn't have to watch 23-24 week babies struggle and fight to live. I then find myself wondering why have things gone so well for us and these other families have lost so much. If I could have given those moms 2 weeks of my time I would have in a heartbeat, but instead their lives are now headed in a different direction. Like June said, we cannot question God's plan, we can only accept it. I pray for those families that someday they will look back a see a reason for the loss of their precious babies. Once, after one of our miscarriages, I asked one of my nicu nurse friends why we were struggling and so many babies are born to moms who don't want them or do drugs. She told me that maybe God was using our struggles to bring us closer to Him, and maybe the struggles these young or irresponsible mothers will face by bringing a child into this world will be what it takes to bring them closer to God.
Again, thank you all for the prayers you have said for us. Please take time to also say a little prayer for these 3 families who have recently lost their babies.

10 Weeks on the Inside

I forgot to mention that yesterday marked 10 weeks since I have been here. Time has really gone by relatively quickly. While I have gotten to know almost all of the nurses, aides, housekeepers, food delivery folks, and ultrasound techs by name and they have gotten to know me, there is still one group of people here that remain elusive- the food service phone answerers. For the past 10 weeks, at least twice a day, I call in my meal order, and each day I say the exact same thing- "may I order breakfast/lunch/dinner for Riggins?". While this group of people are always very friendly, about 50% of the time the answer I get is "you want to order for Reegan/Higgins/Reagan". I have been so tempted to respond with "no, Riggins, the same one that has been calling for 10 weeks" but that would just be rude. Now I would understand if it were different people that answered the phone, but it is basically the same group of people. I know because I recognize their names and voices. I do believe some of them recognize me, but really.... 10 weeks of saying the same thing and I still have to clarify who I am. It really doesn't bother me, I find it quite amusing actually. But.... my personal goal is for them to recognize me over the phone before I kick this joint!

Today I had an ultrasound and both boys looked fantastic, though squished! They both had very good fluid, with baby A (on the left) having the largest pocket of fluid that he has ever had. I questioned if I was still leaking amniotic fluid and so another test (the third since I have been here) was done to determine this. The good news..... it was NEGATIVE!!! Somehow, my little leak has sealed itself shut. The bad news..... I guess I am peeing on myself occasionally! Oh well, that is really the better of the two options, and what can you expect with two babies dancing on your bladder!

What an exciting week!!!

And it's only Wednesday! Let's see, where to start??? Well, Monday was a very productive day for me. I spent all day completing things on my OCD, mostly neurotic lists. I got some amazing projects done such as updating my birthday list, updating my budget, and compiling a list of what all we (well, Stuart) needs to do around the house. I checked off several things from my never ending list that I would never have had time to do if not for living in the hospital.
Tuesday started off a little rocky, with my first real melt down since I have been here. Looking back I can't really say what went wrong, but I know it involved something about not having clean clothes and then getting caught crying by a visitor, which of course just led to more tears. Nothing a shower didn't fix though! After my shower I had a surprise visit from a friend who had her baby the day before and was getting ready to go home. I really wanted to see the baby, and of course she couldn't push me in a wheelchair and the baby couldn't come to my floor, so I was left with few options. I won't admit how I got up to the 4th floor and back- but it was so worth it because the baby was adorable! When I got back to my room it was time for my lunch date with Whitney T. I didn't think anything was up when Whitney P, Jackie and her babies showed up to visit too. The babies of course were also so cute! I was very surprised when, instead of taking me outside, they took me to a surprise baby shower get together with some other friends in the cafeteria. Thank you all who were able to come, and thank you for the generous gifts for these boys. It was so nice to get to go to a social event and, of course, eat yummy cupcakes!! Apparently, my sneaky friends had even approved this event with my doctor!! It was a very nice surprise!!! The day was topped off with a great visit from Grams, Rach, Stuart and my Jace. Jace has been especially snugly lately and loves to go visit with his nurse friends. I admit I was exhausted by bedtime, but it was all so worth it!!!
Today, my therapy team members snuck me away at lunch to go watch a lecture given by one of the neonatologists. I know, to those of you functioning in the real world, a lecture is probably not an exciting event, but I was so glad to exercise my brain! I had started to wonder if it was becoming atrophied like my muscles. I am glad to report- I think it is still ok!! Oh, and I got to take 2 apples back to my room, that is really a treasure!
These boys must be getting bigger. I feel like room at the inn is getting a little cramped. I don't know how it is possible, but the baby on my right likes to stick his foot on top of my ribs pretty high up. I would not be surprised if I felt his toes resting on my clavicle soon!! Looking back, I remember how hard it was for me to carry the 50 pound bag of dog food from the aisle to the counter at Walmart. Well, I basically now have a bag and a half strapped around my midsection. How in the world am I able to walk at all??? That thought is moderately comforting when I get back from my laps around the nurses station and have to lay down for 15 minutes to catch my breath!
Happy Wednesday everyone!!!

The Great Escape

Today I got to go on my very first outing away from the hospital! I have been tortured by the commercials for Red Lobster for the past several weeks, so that was where I wanted to go. I guess marketting does work. My poor dinning buddies weren't even given a choice! Stuart, Jace, Grams, and Rachel went with me, well, I guess they took me. I had a delicious coconut shrimp plate and loved every bite. Jace was so excited for momma to get to ride in the car. He was very polite to the waiter, saying "thank you" without prompting. He has really grown up in the past 2 months. I will be so glad to be back with him at home, with his 2 new brothers of course! We were only gone about an hour and a half but I was so tired when I got back to my room that I slept for about 2 hours!!

            I swear my belly wasn't that big before I ate! :)

Today's News...

I am excited to report that my cervix looks good! My doctor even went as far as to say it may be possible for us to get up to 4 more weeks! That would take us to 35 weeks and, if that is the case, I might as well shoot for 36 weeks. After spending so many weeks preparing for these babies to come early, it is a complete shift in thinking to now believe that may not be the case. So exciting for these babies!!

I have a new next door neighbor!! I work with her and Stuart works with her husband. She will be here for monitoring until she delivers, probably next week. It is fun to get to visit! We debated morse code through the walls for communicatin, but instead just had a converation on Facebook. I guess I can't make fun of my sisters for texting each other when they are in the same house if I am going to do pretty much the same thing. Anyways, please say a prayer for an easy delivery for her and a healthy baby!

Thanks again to everyone who has been checking on us, visiting and praying!! We are so blessed!

31 Weeks!!!

Well, today we are 31 weeks!!! That means I have been here 9 weeks and 2 days and we have gotten 7 weeks further than we were expected to make it! Praise God!!! I had an ultrasound on Thursday and the boys weighed 4#4oz and 4#9oz. They are big!!! Some may suspect I have "a touch of gestational diabetes", but I have begged to not be tested for it because that would mean giving up all of my life sustaining sweets! Both boys also had good fluid, some of the best levels we have seen, in fact. So the plan remains the same.... No plan! Only God and these boys know when they will come. While I would like to blame it on the the babies' weight gain alone, I don't think they are gaining the 1-3 pounds daily to compensate for what the scale says. Today I must admit I saw a brand new lead number on that digital scale read out. I adjusted to the shock of it with a mug of hot chocolate and yummy mint chocolate candy. I need to post another belly picture, as I am admittedly huge! I had a dream one night that I had a hermit crab that outgrew his shell and one of the nurses sons had to give me a new one. How would you interpret that?? My sacroiliac joint and pelvic joints are beginning to feel the stress of increased weight gain and increased activity levels. I really sleep well here, and other than the night I had horrible GI issues, I had my only bad night this week when my SI joint refused to cooperate. Nothing a little Flexeril didn't fix though! As of today I am allowed to increase my activity a little more with more frequent walks and longer time up. If I am lucky I may get to go out to dinner with Stuey next week!! It may be our last date for a long time.
Oh, I wanted to include my thoughts on the magazine Cosmo, a magazine I have probably not read in at least 10 years. In looking through the articles, I was a bit disappointed to see that none of them applied to my life. Instead of an article on how to get him in bed, I would have rather had one on how to get a 2 year old out of my bed! The article about twins was not talking about the kind of twins I am having, well I guess you could say it referred more to the set that rests on top of my belly. And I must say the article on lingerie to fit your body type did NOT have anything that would cover this belly. I am moving on to Parenting magazine next, it may be more useful!
My little Jace is doing good. He is very sweet to the babies when he pats and kisses my belly and says "hi babies". Though I do think my new shape scares him a little. He likes to tug my shirt down to cover all of my belly for me, so kind! He had a sleep over with Stuart and I the other night and slept a good part of the night across my face. I wouldn't trade it for anything though.
Take care friends!!! We love you all!

PS- If anyone knows who my sneaky little poet friend is, please let me know! The past 2 weeks I have gotten very cute poems posted to my door, but I can't figure out who wrote them. I need help to solve this mystery!!

Growth Progression:
11/13/10- A 1#8oz, B 1#9oz
11/29/10- A 1#11oz, B 1#13oz
12/20/10- A 2#11oz, B 2#13oz
12/31/10- A 3#5oz, B 3#7oz
1/13/11- A 4#4oz, B 4#9oz

Activity as tolerated....

.....Well, kind of. Today I got permission to walk down the hall 1-2 times per day!!! I was going to post after my first walk, but honestly I had to lay down and rest a bit. Using my excellent PT ability to estimate distances, I figure it is about 200 feet to the window and back. Although it was tiring, it really felt good to be on my feet, and the increased time upright has helped my swollen, fat face go down a little. I do appreciate all of you that had come by and said I looked good, but I do have a mirror in my room and the fact that my eyes scrunched completely closed when I smiled did not go unnoticed by me. Dr A said I am probably his most compliant patient because I ask him for very specific instructions on what I am allowed to do in terms of activity. I guess that is part of being a PT and being used to getting specific orders from physicians on when it is ok to increase activity. So far I allowed my walks, 2 wheelchair rides, and sitting up to eat meals. I am supposed to gradually increase this as I am able. It is a little scary but even with the walks today my monitoring looked good. I remember when just going to and from the potty caused me to get out of breath, so I was glad walking didn't make me huff and puff too bad! Jace and Stuart came for my second walk, and I didn't realize how much I had missed walking and holding on to my little man's hand. It was great! Oh, and one of the very best things about being able to get up, is I can give real hugs! I don't have to do the awkward side hug while laying down where I need to turn my head just right so I don't end up smooshing my face into someone's boobs.
Ok PT friends, you'll like this! You know all those patients that think it is hilarious to pretend to lose their balance while walking??? Well, I became the dork that thought this was the funniest thing ever. I did it to my nurse yesterday and almost gave her a heart attack. After all the patients that have done it to me, it was kind of fun to do it to someone else.
I decided today's project would be to catch up on my magazine reading. So after a 4 hour magazine marathon, I now know how to 1) dress just like Leighton Meester (though I don't know who that is), 2) decorate my bedroom in pretty pastel rose theme but that might lead to me not having a husband to share my room with, 3) resist my craving for sweets just like Mariska Harigitay, but then on the way to put that magazine away the chocolate beat out Mariska, 4) do a yoga move standing on my head although I think that may not be within my activity allowance, and 5) I could have learned why Nancy Pelosi is the most hated woman in America, but I am pretty sure Stuart has already told me that at some pint in his political rants, so I skipped that article, but did learn how to handle menopause. Overall, I feel much more educated!!

Oh, I didn't post yesterday about our good ultrasound report. Both boys have great fluid, better levels than they have had in a long time. They are both still head down and hanging out more on my right side. I can already hear it "mom, he's touching me!".

On another side note, Jace is becoming quite the dancer. His favorite song in Beyonce's Single Ladies. It's hilarious to watch him try and mimic the moves on the video, a little scary but funny none the less! He is such a sweet little guy, saying I love you while giving hugs and kisses. I hope these boys won't turn his life upside down too much.

Happy 30 Week Unbirthday, Boys!

Today marks 30 weeks for these little guys! That means I have been here for 8 weeks and 2 days! What a long way we have come since 21 and 5/7 weeks. Today I had a visit from a wonderful friend who brought me a very creative 30 week gift- tons of goodies all in quantities of 30!! It does not cease to amaze me how much these boys are loved, and they are not even here yet. I thought I would celebrate the unbirthday with a lemon bar that someone put in my fridge last night at 2 am- that would be Stuart who gets to sneak up and visit me sometimes when he works through the night, though usually not so late. Well, I decided after the first lemon bar that that only celebrated for one baby, so I had another, and then decided I should also get to celebrate, so guess what?? I had another!!! Hmmmm, I wonder what has led to a 65 pound weight gain this pregnancy?

It has been a very exciting week. I have been allowed to go on 2 wheelchair rides per day (although, so far I have only done 1 per day) and sit up to eat meals. It feels so good to get to go outside in the fresh air. I also got to go see all my great NICU nurse friends yesterday. When comparing these boys weights to a baby in NICU at a similar weight, I am amazed that there are 2 of them crammed in my tummy! I will admit that the outings do tire me out, which is moderately pathetic, but I am so glad to be able to start to improve my endurance. I am still having contractions in the afternoon, but not anything that a little shot of turbutaline can't control. Jace has enjoyed getting to go on rides with momma. He has been very sweet and affectionate lately, crawling up to Stuart or I to smother us with kisses and wanting us to "kiss it better" anytime he bumps something. He has also been quite funny with his little dances he does when he is happy. I have had such a good time visiting with my grams and am so thankful that she is getting everything ready for when we do get to go home.

Jace and I outside- he was so proud to wear a vest like Daddy!

PS- Please say a little prayer for my friend who is struggling with fertility and loss, and a praise for my sister Jess who passed her NCLEX and is now a RN. Rachel will take her test in 2 weeks.

Top Ten

The top ten ways you know you have been in the hospital too long:
(Jackie, you'll appreciate this!)
10) Getting a new pair of TED hose is exciting!
9) Getting a new plastic hat to catch your pee in the potty is even more exciting!
8) It makes your whole week to have hot water an entire shower!
7) There is not a single episode of House Hunters on HGTV that you haven't already seen.
6) The special Christmas dinner from the cafeteria sounds really good because it is something not on the regular menu. And steroid shots for a Christmas gift are the best gift ever because it means babies are still where they need to be!
5) There is a permanent indented hole in the middle of the bed sized perfectly for your rear-end. I like to refer to it as my "butt-hole".
4) It has taken 1/4th of a year's calendar to mark the days on the inside.
3) Being in bed so long causes you to get winded after walking the 30 feet to and from the potty and your calf muscle start to look like they did in elementary school.
2) An exciting social event is a trip to the ultrasound room and a chance to get to wave at the nurses on the way by.
and the big number
1) You can estimate correctly your volume of pee without having to look at the measurement lines in the pee catcher hat!

My sweet boy

Just wanted to post this. He is such a cuddler!

The Big Belly

OK, so this is the belly!!! or according to my nephew Terrick "that big belly". Even Jace gave me a funny look yesterday and had to come gey a closer view of it. We had an ultrasound today and things continue to look good. Both babies have good fluid. Baby B (the little booger on my right side) is now head down again. He has done about 4 complete flips since we have been here- one week he is breech, the next week he is head down. You would think that would be a traumatic event for me, but I can't pinpoint one time he has flipped. Baby A kicks a lot more but has consistently been head down. I think he must get sick of his brother kicking him in the face. Stuart and I both feel Lane will be the one on the right and Cole the one on the left, but whichever one comes first will be Lane, so we will have to see. Jace got to come and nap with me and then spent the afternoon here. He is so sweet despite his new favorite word, "no". Tomorrow will be an exciting day, as I get to go on 2 wheelchair rides and sit up to eat!!! So as long as those contractions stay under control, I will get to go on a little sightseeing trip!! Thank you again to everyone who has sent good thoughts and prayers our way. We truly appreciate it.

Horizontal Living

On December 5th, my NICU friends delivered my calendar so I could check off the days as they ticked by. Each day was filled out with an inspirational message. I remember thinking, "I can't deliver these babies yet, what a waste if I don't get to use my calendar". Setting little goals for myself was crucial to surviving my new lifestyle. My first long term goal was to make it to 28 weeks with 3 pound babies, but by the beginning of December we had already met several smaller goals: 23 weeks when babies could survive, to the turkey on my calendar marking almost 24 weeks, past 24 weeks to prove the doctor wrong about his estimated delivery time, and to 25 weeks when babies tend to do better if delivered. My new goals included being here when Jace and my family came for Christmas, making it to 6 weeks in the hospital so I would get the max benefit from my short term disability, getting a third dose of steroid shots for the babies for Christmas (I had had a round at 23 and 24 weeks),  and making it into the new year to avoid extra copays on the twins. Of course each Wednesday represented another week in the hospital, marked by a progesterone shot, and each Friday meant another week for the babies- all days to celebrate!! On December 24th we met our goal to make it to 28 weeks and the following Friday they estimated the babies weights to be 3#9oz and 3#5oz!! First long term goals met. If you ask me toady, as I type this, I hope next for 32 weeks and 4 pound babies.
Medically speaking, December was pretty uneventful for us. I stayed on a low dose of the magnesium sulfate for 2 1/2 weeks, longer than most patients, without many side effects. The worst thing is that I have to keep my fan on and just end up freezing out my guests. The pump for turbutaline stayed in my thigh all month, but is now out. Eventually I was allowed to go to the real bathroom versus the bedside commode, and shower frequency got moved to every other day. I was still not allowed to leave for a pass from the hospital so I missed Stuart's graduation with his BSN but was able to watch it online. Christmas was actually very enjoyable. My whole family was here the weekend before and brought Christmas to the hospital with yummy food, gifts and even a visit from Santa (a wonderful gift arranged by Stuart!). The next week, Stuart's family was all here and we had another fabulous hospital Christmas party. On New Year's Eve I even got to walk to the ultrasound room- the first time I walked out of my door in 7 weeks!! My monitoring 3 times per day has shown occasional uterine irritability and contractions, most often in the afternoon, but at pretty consistent levels (not getting worse). The leaking never got worse or turned into a full blown rupture, and ultrasounds keep showing good fluid around the babies. My belly is huge, an outward sign that these boys are growing. My cervix has fluctuated from 1.5 to 3cm, longer measurements than when we got right after my cerclage. The nurses have said that many patients have trouble sleeping and getting enough calories in. I can say that sleeping is not an issue for me, and in terms of eating, I have the opposite problem!!! I definitely enjoyed all the goodies we have gotten, and those days when I was confined to bed I ate anything left on my bedside table. After those initial weeks of not knowing what to worry about more- my cervix, the leaking, the contractions- I finally feel we can breathe a little easier. Of course the longer these babies stay put, the better. However, 29 weeks and 2 days is a good place to be for babies that could have been delivered at 23 weeks.
The month of December seemed to fly by so quickly, amazingly so for someone who only gets to leave the room to go around the corner to the ultrasound room twice a week! So many people have commented that they don't know how I have done it, to be in the hospital for so long and keep up good spirits. Well for me it was easy, but only so because of all the wonderful family and friends we have!! We have been so blessed by prayers from people all over Lubbock and as far as Italy. Our journey speaks volumes toward the power of prayer. God has worked so many miracles in our lives to get us to this point, and we are grateful for all of our prayer warriors. Although Stuart calls me a bedrest diva, he has been there without fail throughout these past months. This experience has worked to bring us closer, and I know I could not have done it without him. My mom, with the help of my dad and sisters, pretty much took over care of Jace for 7.5 weeks, and my grams is here now to help with him. While it was so hard for him to be gone for over 4 weeks, and we missed him terribly, it was a huge stress relief to know he was in great hands and having a blast in Arizona. My mom and sister, Rachel, worked hard to set up my room with everything I needed and added touches of home such as a throw rug in the bathroom and holiday decorations. Stuart's family has helped with Jace, brought us numerous dinners and kept my laundry up to date. We have had so many wonderful friends bring us dinners, goodies and carepackages, and the kindness of all of the calls, messages, and visits we have received has left us amazed and deeply touched. Several friends have gone so far above and beyond, and you know who you are, that I only hope I can repay the favor sometime in our lifetime. I must also give credit to the staff of antepartum nurses. These compassionate ladies have been so encouraging to us and really have become our family over the past few months. It is a bit surreal to think that Halloween decorations were still up when I came in, and when I go home Christmas decorations will have been packed away.
Of course, the mental state in which you approach a situation like this makes a huge difference. I was determined from the get go to keep these babies in longer than anyone thought we could. Maybe this is easy for me, knowing what I know about premature babies and the decreased risks they face with each week delivery is postponed. Thanking God and being grateful for each and every day is a necessity. Avoiding complaints at all costs has truly helped my attitude too. Smiles are contagious- seeing others smile makes it easy for me to smile, and smiling make the heart happy!! Cheesy but true! Making sure to keep busy with projects and the computer has also been a lifesaver, and makes me feel good that I have gotten things done that I know I would have never had time to do with three little ones at home. Yes, I am still making my weekly to do lists!
I am sure along the way I have had some outstanding musings about life on bedrest, aka horizontal living, but honestly, by now, this is just my life. We have grown accustomed to it as part of our family structure. Stuart has finally felt he can leave me alone for chunks of time and has begun to work on several projects he wants to accomplish before the babies get here. Jace, Rachel and grams got here today. I didn't know how much I truly missed my Jace Jace until I saw his little face today. I am so glad he is back! We have the best friends and family in the world still praying for us. And I am still here in this bed, I couldn't ask for more!

The Critical Days

I don't think I will ever forget the helplessness I felt those first few days, knowing that if our babies were to come, there would be nothing we could do for them. It was a horrible and frightening thought. I saw the grim looks and fear written on the faces of those who know too much; the nurses, the physicians, my NICU friends and coworkers. I had someone hang a sign on my door that said "Smiles only, please." I wanted everyone to be optimistic that we could make it to a safer place. I spent the first 4 days in bed with a catheter and no shower. Everyone was afraid for me to even get out of bed at all. On Monday the 15th, I was allowed to start getting up to sit to eat meals, take a shower, and use the restroom. The sutures were holding. My IV was taken out, and I didn't feel like a patient. My mom had come a few days before that to help with Jace, and we were having a great time visiting. I got many little projects done on my computer and with phone calls. I felt bad taking up a bed here, when the floor was quickly filling up.
And then we were hit with another very frightening day. On Friday the 19th of November, it was discovered that I was leaking amniotic fluid. I began having moderate contractions that day also. Our physician looked so sad when I asked realistically when we could expect to deliver. We were told the babies could very likely come in the next 3-7 days. That Friday marked week 23 for us. We had made it to our first goal, however, Stuart and I were both fully aware of the struggles these babies would face and the risk of lifetime complications they could have by being born so very early. Stuart was my rock. I could see the concern in his eyes, but he stayed right beside me, assuring me that everything would be ok. That day was such a blur; a blur of tears, visits from concerned family and friends, a consultation with the neonatologist, and the commonly dreaded Magnesium Sulfate. I was started on an IV of this medication used to stop pre-term labor and felt the side effects of headaches, blurred vision, racing heart and hot flashes. A nice dose of staydol and phenegran allowed me to sleep most of that day.
Over the next week they were able to gradually wean the levels of this medication. But that was the exciting thing....... We had made it another week!!!! I had a catheter again and was only allowed to shower every 3 days- otherwise no getting out of bed. Sure there were a few rocky times when I needed extra doses of medication to stop contractions, and I eventually ended up with a pump inserted into my thigh to deliver this medication, but we had another week down. The Thursday before we hit 24 weeks was Thanksgiving. What a wonderful gift to be thankful for, we were still here and the boys were doing great. Our wonderful friends, the Dunns, brought us Thanksgiving dinner and mom, Jace and I had a very relaxing Thanksgiving. By this time Stuart had gone back to work, but he was just a few floors down. He would come tell me goodnight and bring me goodies his friends had brought for us. My mom and sister had taken over care of Jace, and I looked forward to each afternoon when they would come visit. Stuart hated to leave my side, sleeping nights on an awful cot or couch thingy on the nights he wasn't working.
December 1st marked 3 weeks in the hospital. Although I was still not allowed out of bed except to use my wonderful bedside commode and the every few days shower, things had gradually settled back down. They ran another test that showed I was still leaking amniotic fluid but ultrasounds continued to show that both babies had good fluid. The babies were growing well. Contractions were relatively under control. And no one wanted to see what my cervix was doing, no news was good news in that matter. While it was a hard thing to do, Stuart and I decided it was best for Jace to go back to Arizona with my mom. Knowing he was in good hands, let Stuart focus on helping me and let me focus on keeping this babies where they needed to be.